Early in my commitment to sobriety, I thought it would be cool to meet others who were sober too. I found a meetup group not far from home, and even attended a sober holiday party! This was way out of my comfort zone, but I had a great time and met some pleasant people with interesting life stories. Are you Looking for Girls? Browse the latest members below to find your ideal date. Send a message and setup a meetup tonight. Our site has 1000's of singles who have always been looking to meet somebody just like you!, Clean Sober Dating. Find a group in Hutchins. Imagine what you could do with the right people by your side. Check out groups in the Hutchins area and give one a try. Photo: The Front Range Mountain Bikers Meetup Group. Groups your friends have joined.

As the San Diego Recovering Women’s Social Club grows and grows (over 400 members strong!), I am met with questions from other women (local and non-local alike) on how they can start their own meetup and ensure its success.

Over the last 18 months of facilitating the meetup, I have had so many lessons learned and there is so much to share about how to create, promote and maintain a meetup that one conversation would never be enough (unless it was over a very long, multiple course dinner and you were taking notes the entire time). So for the sake of time, I’ve decided to compile my step-by-step suggestions here for starting up YOUR very own sober meetup!

1. Choose your platform. I highly recommend meetup.com app as the central point for your meetup. It is the best way to promote, organize and disseminate information. It is $15 a month to run a meetup – here, you are allowed 1 minute to complain, then 1 minute to reflect on how much you used to spend on alcohol every month. We are now moving on.
2. Name your meetup! Make sure it encompasses who (women? men? both?) and what (sober) and where (city? county?). The more alliteration, the better: Seattle Sober Squad. Tampa Teetotallers. Duluth Dry Dames. Alaska Alcohol-Free Assholes. You get it.
3. Set your official first event! I recommend doing this before any of the steps below because it will set your intention in stone. You don’t have to share it yet, but just making a reservation 1 or 2 months out will keep you accountable and excited and inspired as you go through the design and promotion of your meetup. You also definitely want something for people to see/RSVP to once you begin promoting your meetup. If they landed on your page – they are ready to meetup and don’t want to wait around for you to get your shit together!I started with mimosa-free brunch, and it’s been a mainstay for 18 months running (more on how to choose and reserve a restaurant/venue in #7 below). Other first-event ideas that are wildly popular: people like active things, like hikes followed by coffee/breakfast, or yoga (goat yoga was a huge hit here!). But before you start promoting, read below..
   
4. Customize your meetup page. Here’s where you make sure the page looks eyecatching and has your first meetup posted (see #3). Having a main meetup logo/photo is essential. For the meetup app, you have to login to a regular computer to do this (you’ll be okay, just breathe). I recommend using the Typorama app to create your main photo and for future event promotion as well.Fill out the description of your meetup and be specific! People are riddled with social anxiety these days, especially once you removed alcohol from the situation – so be kind and spell it out for them. I also recommend a FAQ section here. Please see (and feel free to steal/revise) the description and FAQs I have gathered and posted on my SDRWSC meetup page.Lastly, meetup allows you to create your own unique link – just do it. It makes it so much easier to share than telling someone “yes, ok, so just go to meetup.com forward slash x, r, 5, z, 1-1, L, k” or having to remember your link. meetup.com/SDRWSC. You’re welcome.
5. Choose your tags/topics wisely – You get 15 “topics” to associate with on meetup.com. This will help in getting your group recommended to members who have similar interests. My tags include: alcohol-free, women’s social, support and recovery, staying sober without 12 step, sober, women’s networking, sober fun, sober fun, women connecting with women, women meeting women for friendship, sober friends, women’s support, recovery and fellowship, women supporting other women
6. Set the ground rules. You will have to decide certain aspects of your meetup – do you want your meetup to be private? Will you require people to “request” to join? Have a profile photo to join? Are men or children ever allowed to join?I DO keep the meetup private to respect confidentiality as well as require “join” requests and profile photos, to help me identify them at the event and ensure the group stays female-only. Address these rules in your FAQ, if you’d like.
7. Promote! here to share your brand new meetup? I posted in the San Diego Reddit (I bet your city has a reddit! – just mentally steel yourself against any internet-anonymity-charged weird/offensive commentary), any sober San Diego women’s facebook pages I could find, and in national, larger FB groups (like the private group, She Recovers) where I knew there was a large presence of women from my city. Lastly, I joined similar meetups (if they existed), and networked/promoted at those events. I also shared the meetup one-on-one with women I met in AA meetings (after the meeting, of course).
8. Choosing & reserving events/venues. Picking a venue is important. First and foremost, pick a place that takes reservations. Trust me, just do yourself the favor. I start by picking a date that works for me, then use the OpenTable app to check out top rated brunch spots that have availability that day for 8-12ish people (sidenote: restaurants often cap the size of groups you can reserve on OpenTable, typically 8-12. If you anticipate needing more, you can always call the restaurant and ask).
   Pick a place that isn’t too loud/boisterous, because people come to these events to talk and connect. Also don’t pick a fancy, silent-ass place where everyone can listen in as you regale the table with the tale about the time you drunkenly _________. Holding an event at a house isn’t as popular (in my experience) – people feel safe when they can google the menu, reviews and every corner of a venue before going. A person’s house is also very open-ended, lacking the safety of the predictable order-eat-pay-leave agenda of a restaurant.Also, look for external events that might be of interest to the group: paint nites, yoga gatherings, full moon circles, paddle boarding. If someone in your sober community asks you to share their event, by all means do so – but with discrimination. If it’s for a multi-level marketing type party, maybe don’t. If it is truly of interest to women in sobriety and supportive of your cause – go for it! You don’t want your audience to feel pandered to, or like they are constantly being marketed to.Lastly, timing wise – I have found that people really enjoy morning, weekend events.
   
9. Grow. As the meetup grows, you can continue to promote events on facebook groups or reddit. Eventually, as more women join and realize you aren’t a murderer or MLM scheme, “regulars” will emerge and membership will begin to grow by word of mouth. Be sure to post photos from previous events. People like to see that the meetup is of “normal” people who actually show up and enjoy the events. Start an instagram for the meetup (if you haven’t already) and use it to share future & past events. I started a story “highlight” for past events, so for women intrigued but skeptical – they could tap through a long story and check out photos/videos all the past events for reassurance. Also, as you grow – if you think it’ll make your life easier – get business cards made. They are like $10 for 500 at Office Max and ready in a day or 2.
10. Collaborate, don’t compete. If another meetup already exists or if one forms after yours, don’t feel threatened. This is not about personal success – it’s about the common vision of women connecting in sobriety. If you see a new meetup just starting, join it, attend their events, and offer to cross-post their events on your meetup – and ask them to do the same. If a larger meetup already exists, don’t hesitate to still start your own; the more events, the better, and yours may have a slightly different flair. I’ve seen groups that focus more on outdoor or physical activity, creativity, casual coffee dates, book clubs, etc. There is truly something for everyone and room for us all.
11. Don’t get despaired! I’ve had everything from 1 to 20 women show to an event. Do not take it personally – remember throughout, this is not about you. People are not coming to see YOU (so quit stressing about your hair!), and likewise, they aren’t bailing on YOU. I have found that regardless of the number of women who have showed, it’s always been the exactly right group for that exact moment.

You can do this! Be the change you wish to see in your own community, city, county. Contact me if you have any questions or need any guidance on how to get started.

Ditching alcohol completely changed my life. It delivered the happiness and confidence I always assumed came with drinking. I thought drinking made me gregarious and quieted my introvert insecurities, but I realized how disconnected it actually made me feel and made me feel even more insecure (hello do I have wine teeth?).

Most people are scared that quitting or even questioning the role of alcohol in their lives will make them a social pariah. I was. And that doing something good for yourself and mental wellbeing means uninviting yourself to all forms of social connection.

How unrealized this fear has been for me. I find more connection with my friends and family, now that I’m able to be authentic, present, and intune with myself. And my yearning for more like-minded connections has given me friends in the sober community that have made the real difference between a simple lifestyle change to a completely empowering and inspiring place I call home. I feel so lucky.

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Though it’s true that some people might feel really insecure about your not drinking and could slowly fall off the radar. You also might find that you don’t really enjoy wine + book club anymore. Being alcohol-free can definitely feel like being the odd one out.

(Related post: 5 Steps to Stop Feeling Like the Odd One Out)

That’s because you are defying societal conventions and not following the herd. You might find yourself the only one in your group of friends or general vicinity that is embarking on this lifestyle change. And in order to not feel alone or isolated, it takes deliberate and intentional action to find your new lifestyle reflected in other inspiring women.

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So how do I make alcohol-free friends? Of course there is AA—the ubiquitous one-size-fits-all solution to quit drinking and find community, but it’s not really my thing and it’s okay if it’s not yours either.

So here are eight other ideas to get you out of the house and meeting other inspiring trailblazers:

1. Meetups

   This is the widest and broadest way to start your search. Meetup is a social network website that let’s the community organize their own events. In my hometown of San Diego, I’m part of groups like the San Diego Recovering Women’s Social Club. Together we go to brunch, play arcade games, go on hikes, and do cycling classes. This is how I met my podcast co-host! You literally have no idea what the world could bring you if you open your mind to it. See what’s going on in your hometown or county by visiting meetup.com and searching for groups with keywords like: sober, alcohol-free, recovery, etc.

2. Bars and Raves

   Who would have thought? Yes, there’s a growing trend of 100% alcohol-free bars and pop up raves that are more about dancing and expanding your mind than losing your mind. See if morning dance parties Daybreaker or Morning Glory visit your town.

   And sober bars? Imagine the vibe of meeting new people, singing your favorite song or playing pool while sipping on deliciously crafted mocktails. These new bar owners are activists. We don’t need to numb, or damage our health and wellbeing to enjoy nightlife and going out. Check out MindBar in San Diego, SansBar in Austin, Texas, or their pop-ups around the nation. You’ve got Listen Bar if you’re in New York, Redemption if you’re in London, and Virgin Mary Bar if you’re in Dublin.

3. Sober Movements

   Not drinking is a radical act of self-love and new movements are moving past the traditional paradigm that drinking is an issue for only a small portion of the population. Instead they’re questioning the norm that alcohol is requisite for a fun and fulfilling life, creating communities, and offering tons of support and resources, from conferences, sobriety schools, and hangouts in real life. Every quarter my friends and I host a hip mocktail party and meditation experience downtown called MindBar—a Friday night of intention and connection without a side of hangovers. Check out Hip Sobriety’s roster of events near you, SHE Recovers meetups, and Club Soda NYC events.

4. Other Community Meetings

   Ok yes, you may luck out if you live in a big city with some of the aforementioned ideas. But if there’s no sober revolution happening in your town yet and going to AA is just not aligned with your inner values, why not check out other widespread community meetings? There’s SMART Recovery, which has meetings all over the world just like AA but is founded on modern science, positive psychology and empowerment. Or Refuge Recovery, also a growing community of meetings based on Buddhism. Or Women for Sobriety, a female empowerment and healing program with meetings all over. There’s also plenty of spaces that encourage growth, learning, and development away from alcohol like yoga workshops and personal development seminars. For example, Shine is an inspirational variety show based on crafting an alcohol-free experience of learning and growth.

5. Retreats and Travel

   Meeting new like-minded people while also getting out of your comfort zone is the recipe for lasting friendships. Sober-minded retreats encourage you to work past your adversity, embrace your vulnerability and find connection with soulful searchers. Come to my Bali Retreat, the Sober Glow Adventure retreat, or Bigger Life Adventures yoga retreats.

   And how about meeting other like-minded women while exploring a new city or scuba diving? You know, one of the harder myths about alcohol for me to debunk was that it was necessary for a good vacation or to experience the local culture. And yet drinking while traveling always left a dark cloud on the trip and didn’t leave me in the mood to be fully appreciative of my new surroundings. Sober Outside is a travel company that organizes co-ed and women’s trips for people who are looking for meaningful interaction while discovering a new locale.

6. ONLINE

   This is still the 21st century and a lot of community can be built online, not to mention growing bonds there first until you actually do meet in real life! On Facebook, we’d love to have you join the Euphoric Alcohol-Free private group. People share their challenges and epiphanies allowing you to offer advice and get inspired. An amazing connection of mine Lori created getconnectedaf.com with a friend finder tool! Add your deets and see who lives in your area and wants to connect. The alcohol-free-sphere on Instagram is huge with a wide range of influencers and newbies embarking on their journeys. Search sober or alcohol-free and follow people who inspire you or who you relate to. Comment on their posts. Engage in their stories. It won’t be long until you have an AF following.

7. If You’re in the Commonwealth

   The scene that’s going on around sober living and mindful drinking in the UK makes me jealous. With outstanding organizations and conversations being made mainstream about how awesome it is to not drink, they’re forming a new definition of normal. Dry January, Dry July, and Sober October were all birthed in the UK as public health campaigns, de-stigmafying the quest to drink less or quit. Club Soda is a huge movement there, with festivals, meetings and socials. And there’s also One Year No Beer, for fitness and growth minded challengers. If you’re in Australia, check out Hello Sunday Morning for community events and conversations.

8. Create the Community You Want To See

   If these ideas don’t work out for your location, why not create the community you so deeply wish existed? Go on meetup.com and start a sober social group. Plan alcohol-free book clubs, kombucha tastings, hikes or brunches. There’s bound to be others around you discovering a happier alcohol-free life that want to connect. My friend Danielle did exactly that and has created a community of almost 500 sober sisters! If she wasn’t brave enough to put herself out there like that, we probably wouldn’t have met. Crazy how the world works when you actively go forth towards your dreams.

As Goethe said, “Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it.”

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